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Condolences July 11, 2007

Posted by Mrs Flipphead in Dad.
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I was over at Mr. Fab’s blog last night and learned that Mrs. Fab just lost her father to cancer.  Of course that got me thinking about my own father and his fight with cancer.  I don’t know which is worse, the sudden way that Mrs. Fab’s father passed on (sudden in terms of cancer) or the way my Dad went, wasting away for three years.

 It’s ugly no matter how it happens.

I’m so sorry for her and her loss.  If you happen by this way, head on over to Fab’s and leave condolences.  For me, one of the worst parts about losing my Dad was the way everyone pretended like it didn’t happen.  I’m sure they thought they were doing me a favor by not talking about it and of course, just didn’t know what to say.  So I forgave them all a long time ago, but it still hurt that no one just said, “I was sorry to hear about your Dad.”

Nobody really expects any more than that.  Just acknowledging the loss is what’s important, I think.  At least it was for me.  I’m not sure I would have remembered any specific words that were spoken and sometimes it’s even worse when you get the “He’s in a better place” or “God’s will” speeches.  All I wanted to know was that people knew he meant something to me and my heart was being ripped out.  “I’m sorry” is sufficient.  Any more than that and I think you risk sounding trite or like you are trying too hard to make the person feel better.  Unless you have something specific to say about the deceased and about how great they were or a fond memory you have about them, for me, “sorry” was all I needed to hear.

We encounter these types of situations so much in life, that it seems like we should all be given a course in grief and how to manage it and what to say to people who are experiencing it.  Just my opinion, based on my experience. 

Mr. Fabulous, we wish you and the Mrs. well and are very sorry for your loss.  Travel safe.

Comments»

1. SANDY G. - July 11, 2007

I know what you mean. Just saying you’re sorry for their loss is the best. At least that’s how I feel. I’m sure some feel differently.

Regarding your comment on my post for the anti-addiction pill: I could sure use the help with over-eating as well. 🙂

~Sandy G.

2. Mrs Flipphead - July 12, 2007

Yeah, I’ve seen a lot of very flowery condolences at times and for me, somehow it just comes off feeling phony–maybe that’s just when I do it. = )

Wouldn’t a pill for that be great? Only if it didn’t have the terrible side effects that always seem to come out about “weight loss” pills after they have been on the market for a while.

3. The Cat Realm - July 13, 2007

That was well said and I think very true!

It feels weird to leave a comment about a pink wig on a post about someone who died but when I really think about it I would love to have someone comment, or better wear, a oink wig if I ever cross the bridge!

Sorry about the lack of Photohop, you need better personal. But Anastasia next dare will only involve a camera…

Karl

4. sudiegirl - July 25, 2007

I had support for when my dad passed away, and one thing I did to commemorate my dad’s “passing anniversary” was write about him every day (as much as possible, anyway) for one month. That really helped me heal, but I still miss him a lot.

If you want to read some of the entries, just go to my blog and type in “Moment of Dad” in the search box. You should find lots o’ entries.

Sudiegirl

PS: My thoughts are with you on your dad…


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