Child molesters…it may be someone you know…well… September 2, 2007
Posted by Mrs Flipphead in Child Safety, Family Watchdog, GPS for sex offenders, WI AB591, child molester, family, kids, sex offender, sexual predator laws, victims.trackback
I have finally reached the point where I feel I should talk about this on my blog. It gives some insight into my push for child safety.
During my freshman year of college, I met a lot of people and developed a number of very close relationships. Part of my group was a guy named Dan Fuhrman*.
Dan was an extremely intelligent, funny guy. He was a blast to hang out with and we all became extremely close.
The summer before my Senior year, Dan and some of my other friends came and spent 4th of July weekend with me. We partied, got drunk and got in trouble (just a warning) with the police for setting off illegal fireworks.
Late into the night, Dan and I went for a walk and a talk. Dan asked me about a situation that happened in his past with an older cousin. He asked me if it made him gay. I told him that he had been molested. That he was too young to know better, but his cousin wasn’t. In hindsight, I wonder if Dan hadn’t reversed roles in the story, because he was awfully quick to defend his cousin and say that he had been a willing participant (molesters often delude themselves into these kind of thinking errors). In any case, I suggested Dan get therapy. As far as I know, he never did.
In our senior year, Dan became a “big brother” (not through Big Brothers Big Sisters-through a different agency that I have yet to figure out so I can alert them), to a young boy named Tim**.
Little Tim came along with us on a lot of our outings. When I think back on it, if Dan was molesting him at the time, he must have wondered what kind of monsters we were to be friends with his abuser and to allow it to happen to him. It makes me sick with guilt.
I look back on some of the comments Dan made about Tim and I am sick with revulsion. He would look at Tim and comment, “Isn’t he so cute?!” An odd comment for a college man to begin with, but it wasn’t just what he said, but the way he said it.
When I was in grad school, Dan started a De Molay chapter in a little town called Nevada, while he was going to grad school in Iowa. He had been involved in De Molay while we were in college through his old high school, so this didn’t strike any of us as too odd. But then, a mutual friend attending the same grad school as Dan told me that he didn’t seem to want to hang out with her or his best friend from high school (also living there at the time) anymore, preferring to spend time with the high school boys in his De Molay chapter. We both said, “Hmm…that’s kind of weird, isn’t it?” Neither one of us said what was really on our minds–because no one wants to believe that they could know, much less be good friends with someone who is capable of something like that.
Later, I heard that the chapter closed because all of the guys quit because of Dan propositiong one of more of the boys. I don’t know if this is true or not.
Maybe, if we had any more than a feeling to go on, one of us would have done something. I hope so. But unfortunately for the children that Dan did molest later, we didn’t have any more than a weird feeling about the situation. Certainly, nothing to accuse somebody on.
Well, long story short, Dan later molested 2 or 3 (it’s difficult to tell from the charges on the website) young boys and spent 36 months in prison for it. ONLY 36 MONTHS!!! He destroyed the lives of not one but multiple boys and he gets what amounts to a slap on the wrist. He’s not even a registered sex offender–can you believe that?! Stinkin’ Minnesota.
Since he got out, he has molested again. Some boys in his neighborhood last fall, I am told, by a mutual friend. I can’t check this out, because so far the charges aren’t on Minnesota’s Criminal History search online. Probably because he hasn’t been convicted yet. But you can bet he’s guilty.
If you live in Minnesota you should probably know that the offenders in your state are not necessarily on the registry. I don’t know enough about why this would be true to explain it. I just know it’s a fact because Dan isn’t and I have seen the charges listed against him on Minnesota’s Criminal History search, so I know he was charged and convicted and did jail time. I looked up the charge and it was indeed children under the age of 13, so that doesn’t have anything to do with it. It wasn’t a civil case, so that’s not it either. Maybe someone could enlighten me. I’m sure there are other states that this is true for as well.
Even the Sex Offender Registry is not fail proof, to be certain. Offenders move all the time and do not register. There are thousands of offenders out there that have been “lost”. That is why I am going to state again, my support for Global Position of Sex Offenders. If we don’t have enough jails/resources, to keep them in prison for life, then they should have a permanent marker on them to keep track of them. Maybe this, with the Sex Offender Registry would reduce the evil cycle of abuse.
I am adding links in the child safety section of my side bar for the sex offender registry and any other links that I can find to help parents protect their kids.
Maybe if we are all more vigilant, fewer people like Dan can get away with destroying children’s lives.
FYI-I’m not violating Dan’s rights here. This is a matter of public record and the rest of it is my personal experience, so I’m entitled to talk about it. But even if I were, Dan kind of lost that right in my mind when he chose to molest those children.
*Name not changed to protect the innocent because he isn’t but the children he molested were.
**Name changed.
Um, wow, this is upsetting. Living in Minnesota and all. Thanks for the heads up re: problems with the Sex Offenders Registry. Yikes.
Wow – I’ve been to Nevada, Iowa before PLUS I was in the teen girl equivalent of DeMolay (Rainbow Girls). That’s damned creepy…
It just goes to show that this type of abuse is the most insidious of all of them.
If you want to see an interesting documentary about this issue, rent “Capturing the Friedmans”. It’s an all encompassing film about a very famous sexual abuse case from the late ’80s…nominated for an Oscar. It’s chilling to watch…not for kids though.
Two Knives-I know, isn’t it scary though? His info does show up in the Minnesota Criminal History Search though, which is in my sidebar (the stuff he’s been convicted of already).
Sudiegirl-I’ll have to check that out. It is damned creepy isn’t it? My husband wonders why I’m so protective. It’s because after being so close to someone who turned out to be something like that, you feel like you can’t completely trust anyone.
I know this continues to haunt you, but you must all ways remind yourself, they know how to hide their true selves from everyone. Why else would they get away with it for as long as they do?
Went to Family watch dog, my neighbor (2 doors down across the street) likes little girls.(convicted) While I was there dicovered 4 others within a short jaunt of my home, again all were convicted for little girls. My neighbor 2 doors down my side of the street has a precious little girl, and a set of newborn twins. If I ever see that monster near her I will drop kick him into the next century. I hate the fact that freak can live in a neighborhood with little kids!!!!!
That’s a scary tale and one that probably makes you feel violated because he betrayed your friendship. It’s good to have people like yourself prepared to go that extra mile which may protect others from this evil curse that’s pervading society. Good on you!
Just dropped by to thank you for being ‘Nice’ – Your award awaits you dear lady.
coming from someone who was sexually abused as a child, I am appalled by this. How can Dan be released so soon? Doesn’t anybody care about the children he abused? He should be rehabilitated before I go there, hunt him down….
Ok, I’m cooling down. And yes, I do have a vendetta against abusers such as Dan.
Carla- I know, but it still makes me sick that “Tim” might have been being molested right under our noses. If you want to see something really scary, search the addresses of the schools in your town. They cluster around them like flies. There is a town in Wisconsin that has passed a law about how close to schools a convicted molester can live. I think every city ought to do that. If they went on family watchdog and searched their schools, they would be sick with fear and do it in a heartbeat.
WalksFarWoman-You are right, I never really thought of it quite that way before, but I do feel violated. I will go pick up my award in a moment. Thank you again!
Dieselfire-I feel the same way that you do about this. I’m truly sorry that this happened to you too. I am so angry about the way molesters in this country are basically allowed to get away with it. If it were up to me, there would only be one punishment for these vile creatures-LIFE IN PRISON!!!! Actually, the death penalty is my first choice–but alas, since I don’t believe in the death penalty… There is no rehabilitating them. You can no more change their preference for children than you could change a straight person or a gay person. Once a child molester, always a child molester. The sooner people realize that and actually do something about it, the better! First offense=last offense! The sooner we can put a stop to the vicious cycle. As far as I’m concerned, you feel free to come on over here and “rehabilitate” him. As long as it involves bodily harm…
Hi Flipp. Very brave of you to post. I admire you and your quest to educate others. Being a mom of 3 I appreciate it. I was abused as a child. I think the best thing we can do as parents is talk about it with our kids. The predator is not always someone outside of the family, sadly. Best to talk talk talk about it. Thank you for sharing your story. I plan on checking out the links. ~Bella
Bella,
I am always saddened to hear about yet another person who was molested or abused as a child. I think if every person who was victimized by a molester, stood up and was counted, people would be shocked how many, many people this affects.
I get frustrated wondering what it is going to take for legislators to wake up and realize how pervasive this problem is. What will it take to get stiffer penalties enforced?
You are exactly right. The best thing we can do is to educate our children in protective behaviors. Something that I often see are parents forcing their children to give hugs and kisses to relatives. This makes me crazy, because it sends the message to our children that they do not have the right to tell an adult not to get intimate with their body if it makes them uncomfortable.
I always tell people, grandparents, etc. that I don’t force my kids to hug people or give kisses because I want them to understand that they have the right to say “No”. Nobody wants a forced hug from a child anyway.
“Maybe if we are all more vigilant…”
I say–Maybe if we were all Vigilantes. You know, let’s kick it Lorena Bobbit style on child molesters. Seriously, that would put a quick end to their heinous ways.
Gawd. How awful for those children.
You know, when my brother was 9 years old (I was 19), my mom allowed a 24 year old man to be his friend. I was aghast! I asked my mom if she had lost her mind, and do you know what she said to me?
“I trust my son’s choice in friends. Besides, having an older, brother figure will be good for him.”
AUGH! He was only 9 years old!!!
Not long after that I came home from work to find this man (and I use the term loosely) rolling around on the floor with my little brother. They were ’supposedly’ wrestling. But I tell ya what, my hackles were raised.
I asked the guy to step outside so that I could speak with him. Once outside, I told him exactly what I thought about a 24 year old man spending most of his time ‘playing’ with a 9 year old boy. Then, I told him that he had exactly 30 seconds to tell my brother goodbye, for good. Further stating that if I ever saw him anywhere near my brother again, I’d cut his nuts off and feed them to the squirrels.
Apparently he believed me. We never saw him again. I fully believe, that had I let it go, this man would have molested my little brother. It makes me sick just thinking about that guy.
Stacy-That is actually one of the ways that molesters get children to get used to be touched by them in personal, close ways. The “wrestling” lure. You were so right to tell him where to go. I fully believe you are right. Your mom was absolutely too trusting!
Good for you! I say, “Let’s go Lorena Bobbit on all their asses!!!!” Vigilantes! I LIKE that idea.
Yep, I know this guy. We were pretty good friends for about 10 years. He was a very nice guy. He was always nice to my boys and seemed so innocent that I even thought about letting my boys stay with him if we needed a baby-sitter. Thank God that never came about. I did think that he was kinda strange in that he always seemed more interested in playing with my kids then he did visiting with me. My kids had a great time with him and called him Uncle Dan. It all seemed so innocent except for the fact that he was so interested in kids. The few of us in our group would joke that Dan seemed strange about kids but we really never thought that we might be right about him until he just disappeared. It’s then that we found out he had been busted for molesting a kid. Boy was that a surprise. The point of writing this is to tell parents to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. If you have a weird feeling about somebody then you are better same to not let your kids be alone with him. No matter what.
Lucky-That is an appropriate moniker. Dan is the worst kind of child molester. He is the kind that actively seeks out vulnerable children to victimize. I am so glad that your boys were never victimized by him. I would be interested to know more of what you know about Dan and what he has been up to. It sounds like you knew Dan in the post college years. If you are interested in sharing information email me at: mrs.flippheadAThotmail.com. Thanks for commenting.
I just stumbled onto your site – read your story, thought at first that you were writing about my brother but chose to change names & location. Same story – always had kids around, majored in Psychology, worked at on campus daycare, got a job a a children’s home in SC – busted first time & denied all – served 18 mth – busted second time and is locked away for 75 years. But how many boys were violated?!?! I know there were 5 boys that came forward, but only God knows & can protect any other victims. And my parents still defend him!!! The victim that got him caught 2nd time was 2 1/2 – my son is now 3 – just makes me ill… Thanks for letting me vent.
rgmash-I’m so sorry this happened to your family. Don’t be too hard on your parents. As a parent yourself, you know that the last thing that you would want to believe about your son is that he could ever do anything so heinous. They are in deep denial, partly because they probably feel to blame. In actuality, your brother was more than likely molested himself at some point. It tends to be a cycle and the only way it will ever get broken is if lawmakers wake up and realize that this is something that can’t be cured or rehabilitated out of someone. If your brother ever gets out, for any reason, don’t let him near your son–keep track of him like a stalker and make sure he doesn’t have access to anyone else’s kids. Feel free to vent any time you want.
I was just reading this and I know exactly who you are talking about. I worked with Dan and we became friends. He spent a lot of time with me and my children. Took my son to games, golfing etc. I had to take my son in for questioning when this whole thing started I was horrified. I would love to know who you are. I am just curious because I have heard all about Dan’s college adventures and have met some of his friends that he went to school with. I guess just a good female friend of his and one of his old buddies that lives in Mpls. and is married with kids now.
Hi Lucky2-Email me at mrs.flippheadAThotmail.com
I tried the other day but it came back to me. I’m trying again
Weird. I’m not sure why that would be. It had been a while since I logged into that account (the holidays and so forth, but I don’t think it had been more than 30 days.) I logged in earlier today, so it should be fine now.
Hi Lucky, Just wondering how you know Dan? I worked with him for a couple years. Call me Lucky2
I am amazed at the number of people that have stumbled upon my blog that know him. I didn’t really think anyone who knew him would read this. I think we can all call ourselves REAL Lucky if we knew him and he didn’t molest our kids. I’m really curious if I know either one of you “Luckys”. Feel free to email me. I have been putting together the pieces of the puzzle of Dan’s illustrious past. Since it seems he will never become a registered sex offender, no matter how many kids he hurts, the more people who know about him the better. My email is listed above in a couple of places.
I also knew Dan Fuhrman from college but not well enough to witness his interaction with children. I did spend more time with him when he moved to Minneapolis — enough time (or so I thought) to know his character. Again when I did spend time with him it was with adults not children. When Dan was arrested he was able to convince me and others that it was a misunderstanding. In order to avoid a potential guilty verdict by trial (and a long prison sentence) he pleaded guilty for 36 months prison. Initially I was very naive and even felt sorry for him and visited him in prison. That was almost ten years ago. Time has passed and I KNOW that he is GUILTY — not a poor victim of circumstance — he is GUILTY. While I didn’t spend time with Dan and Little Tim** at college, I am aware of the “big-brother” relationship he had with him. Now knowing Dan’s history, what are the chances Tim** left that mentorship unscathed? If I had not believed Dan ten years ago, maybe I could have approached Tim** parents while he was still a teen and seen that the boy could have received help. Now he is in his twenties and it is not my place to rock the boat. There are some actions that you can separate from the person you know and move on with that person despite his/her actions. However, I draw the line with child molesting.
Dan did serve his prison term and two years ago violated his probation and was incarcerated. That violation was being alone with a minor. Fortunately, Dan was caught before the relationship turned disastrous. He is still incarcerated but I don’t know when/if he will get released. I bet Lucky2 could talk to the detective that spoke with his son and could get information on Dan’s status.
Also, I looked at Minnesota Criminal History Search for Dan’s information. I can’t get into it because I don’t know his birthday. Could you post his birthday? Everyone should see Dan’s history for themselves.
his birthday is 6-3-1970. let me know what comes up, I have never been able to see anything with much detail. I would love to know what you know about him that you found out he is guilty. Do you have contact with Tim**?
Does anyone know where Dan is now? Is he locked away or free? For those of you that wonder who I am I can tell a few more clues. I played softball and volleyball with Dan for the past 6-7 years until his latest trouble. We played in Golden Valley and Bloomington. If you never played softball or volleyball with Dan then we probably don’t know each other. I didn’t do much else with him outside of game nights.
Lucky…..Dan is in a group home now working towards being able to get a job and an apartment. His parents had to sell his house after all this started. I went to one of Dan’s softball games in GV with my kids probably 6-7 years ago and went to a few of his volleyball games at Hopkins school, but the only person I knew there was some woman we used to work with. I didn’t know that Dan was friendly with anyone outside of the games. I have known him for 8 years and I never knew he really socialized with people he played with. My kids & I spent a lot of time with him and he did do a lot of activities with them.
Lucky & Lucky 2- you won’t get too many details on the Minnesota Criminal History search. Just the charges, sentences, etc. It’s partly because the cases involved minor children and partly because that’s just the way online criminal court access usually works. Thanks for keeping the conversation about this going.
Jenny-If you know more information about these guys-like a date of birth, you can post it here so people can look at the MN criminal history search and see what they have done. Thanks for commenting.
I am very concerned about the March 22nd posting as I live near them and my children have contact with them. Can I get more information.
Testing
Not Naive Anymore-I contacted all of the mentoring agencies in the Decorah area and none of them say they had Dan as a mentor. I’m not sure how that is possible, but they may just not have their records computerized that far back. In any case, I have alerted the Minneapolis area Big Brothers Big Sisters in case he tries to become a mentor again. He wouldn’t be able to get past their background check process, but since he’s not a registered sex offender (I still can’t figure out how that is possible), he might manage to get through some other fly by night mentoring program’s process.
Holmes-You should log on to http://www.familywatchdog.us. I have a link on my sidebar for it. You can put in your zip code and find a listing of all of the sex offenders in your area on a map, with clickable dots that will take you to a picture, description and a listing of their offenses. Also if you go to the national sex offender registry, you can put in their names and do a search. If your children have contact with them, stop all contact immediately. It is not a question of IF but WHEN. I would also make sure that you are educating your children on protective behaviors. Just google protective behaviors and you will find lots of information on the subject. I also have some really good child safety links in my sidebar. Most children who are molested are molested by a family friend or relative, not a stranger.
Me-testing what?
Thnaks but neither of them is on any registry. Maybe like Dan they slipped through the cracks
Holmes, do you know Dan?
Holmes-I’m not sure how that happens. It seems to be a Minnesota thing. Probably other states too. In Wisconsin, even if a 19 year old boy sleeps with his 17 year old girlfriend he could wind up a registered sex offender. In that instance, it is up to the judge’s discretion whether they have to register as a sex offender. If there is less than five years difference between the two and it’s a statutory rape type thing then it’s a second degree sexual assault of a minor charge. But usually for them to become a registered sex offender in that instance, either the girl’s parents have to press charges or the girl has to claim rape.
Lucky2-How are you doing?
Hi Mrs. Flipphead, I sent you an email the other day but no response. Hope the new job is going well and email me if you get a chance and let me know you got it. I hope I am sending it to the right email
No I do not know Dan. I’m just wondering if anyone has any details on the guys in Brooklyn Park
Holmes-I am not aware of them. If anyone else knows of them, please feel free to post a reply to Holmes here.
Lucky2-Sorry. I haven’t checked that email in a while. I will do so now. Thanks!
Regarding Jenny’s comment from March 22, 2008. She identified a couple of individuals as being child molesters. However, she didn’t provide a date of birth for them, so I was unable to substantiate her claim. I had received a request from WordPress administrators asking me to remove the comment. As I was unable to contact Jenny (email came back undeliverable) to get dates of birth to substantiate her claim, I was forced to delete the comment. Jenny-if you read this and want to give me dates of birth on them, I will run a check and if your claim checks out, I will repost the information.
If a child molester offended before the sex offender register laws went into effect in 1999 (I think), it means that the offender does NOT have to register. I think this is horrible.
HERE IS AN UNREGISTERED CHILD MOLESTER RIGHT HERE:
TRINY PORTILLO
250 SOUTH VAN DORN STREET
ALEXANDRIA, VA 22304
Give him a call! 703-461-3905
Just don’t let him paint your house. He is a painter who repeatedly molested a child while doing a painting job for her mother. He only served 17 months of a 10-year sentence. He does not have to register as a sex offender because the crime took place in 1991 in Montgomery County, Maryland.
Cindy- I agree, that IS horrible! It should be retroactive. What is worse, is the fact that recent offenders and even REPEAT recent offenders can manage to escape having to register too (as in the case of Dan in my post).
Do you have a link to a court case or is there some public record of his crime?
[...] molester, child safety, sex offender, sexual predator laws, victims. trackback In my post on child molesters being someone you know well, Cindy commented about Triny Portillo (Trinidad Portillo) only serving a few months of a ten year [...]
Regarding Triny (Trinidad) Portillo, there is a record under Maryland Judicial cases (don’t know the web address). The date was June 1991 in Montgomery County, MD. I will try to find it.
The site is
http://casesearch.courts.state.md.us/inquiry/inquiry-index.jsp
Thanks Cindy! I always like to have a source to back up what is posted.